Life Lessons to Thrive in Your 30s

Ditch the dread and step into your 30s with wisdom from those who've been there!

Your 30s. That hazy zone between the carefree chaos of your 20s and the presumed stability of your 40s, when you have everything figured out.

It can be a rollercoaster of emotions, ambitions, pressure to start a family, and existential dread.

Mark Manson, author and self-improvement guru, surveyed over 600 people in their 40s and 50s to find out what life lessons they'd impart to their 30-year-old selves. Get ready for a treasure trove of advice, minus the sugar-coating.

1. Save for Later, Live for Now (But Mostly Save)

Let's kick things off with a cold splash of financial reality.

Finances are the root of a lot of adulting anxieties and once you hit your 30s it's time to say goodbye to those carefree spending sprees of your 20s and embrace the art of saving.

Mark Manson said the most common life lesson respondents shared with him was to get your financial house in order and start saving for retirement today.

Manson said advice to start managing your finances “was so common that almost every single email said at least something about it”.

Some people in their 50s and 60s shared cautionary tales with Manson about not prioritising saving in their 30s, revealing they had been “completely screwed by their inability to save in their 30s”.

Jodi, for example, regrets not setting aside 10% of her income each payday when she was younger. Now, at 57, her career has taken a downturn, leaving her stuck living payday to payday.

One man even shared the heart-wrenching story of needing financial support from his son. He hadn't saved and lost his job unexpectedly during the 2008 economic crash.

Kash, 41, shared with Manson that they had spent their 20s “recklessly”.

“But your 30s should be when you make a big financial push. Retirement planning is not something to put off. Understanding boring things like insurance… mortgages is important since it's all on your shoulders now. Educate yourself.”

Another reader warned, “If you are in debt more than 10% of your gross annual salary this is a huge red flag. Quit spending, pay off your debt and start saving.”

Another shared that they should have saved more money in an emergency fund.

“Unexpected expenses really killed my budget. I would have been more diligent about a retirement fund because now mine looks pretty small.”

Here are some of the top money management tips Manson shared:

• Make it your top priority to pay down all your bad debts as soon as possible.
• Keep an “emergency fund” — there were lots of horror stories about people getting financially ruined by health issues, legal battles, divorces, bad business deals, and so on.
• Stash away a portion of every pay.
• Don’t spend frivolously.
• Don’t buy a home unless you can afford to get a good mortgage with good rates.
• Don’t invest in anything you don’t understand.

The moral of the story: stash those dollars away like your future self depends on it – because they do. Pay off bad debt, build an emergency fund, and invest what you can.

To explore what investment opportunities might suit you, get in touch today.

2. Take Care of Your Health Now

“Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live.”

This is a famous quote by Jim Rohn, an author and motivational speaker, that most of us have heard before.

But here's the shocker: it’s true.

Eating healthy and exercising regularly isn't just about fitting into your jeans (although, hey, bonus!).

It's about preventing future health woes and feeling your best.

Just as was the case with retirement savings, Manson said the message from respondents was loud and consistent: get healthy and stay healthy now.

Their observations echoed a common theme: the treatment of your body accumulates over time; it's not a sudden breakdown but a gradual process often overlooked. Your 30s serve as a pivotal decade to mitigate this wear and tear.

“Your mind’s acceptance of age is 10 to 15 years behind your body’s ageing. Your health will go faster than you think but it will be very hard to notice, not the least because you don’t want it to happen,” 55-year-old Tom warned.

According to Manson, this wasn’t just your typical motherly advice to “eat your veggies”.

These were emails from cancer survivors, heart attack survivors, stroke survivors, people with diabetes and blood pressure problems, joint issues, and chronic pain.

They all shared a similar sentiment: “If I could go back, I would start eating better and exercising and I would not stop. I made excuses then, but I had no idea.”

3. Curate Your Inner Circle

Your 20s were for questionable life choices with your besties. Now, it's time to curate your circle like a museum curator curates… a museum.

Life's too short for toxic relationships, whether with friends or family. You deserve a support system that cheers you on, not weighs you down. Set boundaries and prioritise those who uplift you.

As Jane (52) wisely advises: "Don't tolerate people who don't treat you well. Period."

Setting boundaries can be tough but remember: pushing your feelings aside to avoid upsetting someone can be detrimental in the long run.

 "Selfishness" and "self-interest" are different. Sometimes, prioritising your well-being requires saying no.

4. Be Good to the People You Care About

While setting boundaries is important, this goes hand-in-hand with actively nurturing the relationships you choose to keep close.

Make time for the people who matter. Plan that girls' weekend or boys’ trip, call your parents, and nurture those relationships that bring joy to your life.

Sean, 43, advised, “Don’t settle for mediocre friends, jobs, love, relationships and life.”

While Ed, 45, said he “may have taken some relationships for granted”.

“When that person is gone, they’re gone. Unfortunately, the older you get, well, things start to happen, and it will affect those closest to you.”

Tragedy is inevitable. As Rebecca (40) reminds us, be the person people can rely on.

“I think that between 30 and 40 is the decade when a lot of shit finally starts to happen that you might have thought never would happen to you or those you love.

“Parents die, spouses die, babies are stillborn, friends get divorced, spouses cheat… the list goes on and on. Helping someone through these times by simply being there, listening and not judging is an honour and will deepen your relationships in ways you probably can’t yet imagine.”

5. Invest in Your Family, it’s Worth it

Your 30s are a fascinating time for your family. Whether it's nurturing relationships with ageing parents, getting married, starting your own family, or all, prioritise these precious bonds.

• Reconnect with Parents: This decade offers a chance to redefine your relationship with your parents. You can shape the dynamic as an adult, even if they still see you as a child. The message? Mend fences and cherish the time you have. However, prioritise your well-being – toxic relationships shouldn't be endured.
• Marriage: The emails generally viewed marriage positively, assuming it's a healthy union.
• Build Your Own Family: Starting a family can be incredibly rewarding. As Kevin (38) says, it fosters growth and joy. Don't overthink timing – there is no perfect timing, says Cindy, 45. If you have a strong foundation, consider taking the leap.
• Lessons from Others: Some readers expressed regret, yearning for a stable family life or prioritising fleeting experiences over lasting connections. This emphasises the importance of appreciating what you have and making thoughtful choices.

6. Invest in What You Do Well

Your 20s were about exploration, your 30s are about refinement.

Figure out your strengths and pick a career you can pursue with passion.

“I would tell myself to focus on one or two goals/aspirations/dreams and really work towards them. Don’t get distracted,” one reader shared.

Another reader shared that people must “accept you cannot do everything”.

“It takes a lot of sacrifice to achieve anything special in life,” they added.

Here's how to navigate the career jungle and your ever-evolving desires:

• Focus is Your Friend: You can't be everything to everyone (and frankly, you shouldn't want to be).  Pick a few things you excel at and dedicate your energy there. You'll be amazed at what you can achieve when you're not scattered to the wind. Ericson, 49, summed it up: “In a word: Focus. You can simply get more done in life if you focus on one thing and do it really well. Focus more.”
• Never Stop Learning:  Just because you have a fancy degree doesn't mean you're done growing. Read, take courses, learn a new skill – keep your mind sharp and curious. Remember, the most valuable thing you'll ever earn is the one of lifelong learning.

7. Don’t be Afraid to Take Risks

Society sets unrealistic expectations: by your 30s, your life should be perfectly planned.

But life is an exciting journey, full of surprises. Many of the 600 respondents said they had made major career changes in their 30s and were better off for doing so.

“While by age 30 most feel they should have their career dialled in, it is never too late to reset. The individuals that I have seen with the biggest regrets during this decade are those who stay in something that they know is not right.

“It is such an easy decade to have the days turn to weeks to years, only to wake up at 40 with a mid-life crisis for not taking action on a problem they were aware of 10 years prior but failed to act,” 41-year-old Richard said.

Don’t let the fear of failure hold you back.

Aida, 49, advised: “Less fear. Less fear. Less fear. I am about to turn 50 next year, and I am just getting that lesson. Fear was such a detrimental driving force in my life at 30.”

“It impacted my marriage, my career, my self-image in a fiercely negative manner. I was guilty of assuming conversations that others might be having about me, thinking that I might fail. Wondering, what the outcome might be. If I could do it again, I would have risked more.”

8. Continue To Grow and Develop

In his book, The Diary of a CEO, wildly successful businessman and podcaster Steven Bartlett discussed the concept of filling “five buckets” in order to be successful.

The first two buckets are knowledge (what you know and understand) and skills (how you apply what you know). The final three buckets are network, resources, and reputation.

Bartlett said the first two buckets are the most important, because they cannot be taken away once you have filled them and warned they must be filled first.

“Applied knowledge is a skill, and the more you can expand and apply your knowledge, the more value you’ll create in the world. This value will be repaid in a growing network, abundant resources and a robust reputation. Make sure you fill your buckets in the right order,” Bartlett wrote in his book.

Education doesn’t stop once you finish a degree or trade in your 20s. There is always room to learn and grow.

Manson said many people thought the choice of going back to school and getting degrees in their 30s was one of the most useful things they had ever done.

Stan, 48, said if “you’re one of the few who continues to educate themselves, evolve their thinking and take care of their mental and physical health, you will be light-years ahead of the pack by 40”.

Aimilia, 39 agreed, sharing: “The number one goal should be to try to become a better person, partner, parent, friend, colleague etc. — in other words, to grow as an individual.”

Related articles:

• Teach yourself how to invest‍
• Financial lessons you wish you knew as a teenager‍
• Financial Mistakes to Avoid in Your Twenties and Thirties‍
• Should You Trust Finfluencers?‍
• The Worst Ways to Waste Money

9. Nobody Knows What They Are Doing

You might be comforted to know that nobody knows what they are doing or what to expect in life.

Thomas, 56, says people cannot anticipate what is going to happen in the next five years because “it will not develop as you expect”.

“So just stop it. Stop assuming you can plan far ahead, stop obsessing about what is happening right now because it will change anyway, and get over the control issue about your life’s direction. “

Fifty-seven-year-old Simon shared Thomas’ perspective, saying most of what you think is important now will seem unimportant in 10-20 years, adding “that’s called growth”.

Prue said you may have felt somewhat invincible in your 20s, but the reality is you don’t know what’s around the corner.

“Neither does anyone else, no matter how confidently they talk.”

10. Respect Yourself

Manson said this idea of treating oneself better was rarely the main focus of any response, but it was present in some capacity in almost all of them.

According to Manson, almost everybody said this in one form or another. As Renee, 40, simply put it: “Be kind to yourself.”

Sixty-year-old Nancy said there’s nothing wrong with being “a little selfish”.

“Do something for yourself every day, something different once a month and something spectacular every year.”

Another reader shared these pearls of wisdom: “There is no one who cares about or thinks about your life a fraction of what you do. Life is hard, so learn to love yourself now, it’s harder to learn later.”

The Bottom Line: You Won’t Have It All Figured Out in Your Thirties, and That’s Okay

This decade is about building a life you love, one filled with purpose, meaningful relationships, and a healthy dose of self-love. 

Don't be afraid to shake things up. Take that career leap, travel the world, or learn a new skill. It will broaden your experience and outlook on life.

Martin summed things up nicely: “When I turned 40 my father told me that I’d enjoy my forties because in your twenties you think you know what’s going on, in your thirties you realise you probably don’t, and in your forties, you can relax and just accept things. I’m 58 and he was right.”

So, take these lessons, personalise them, and make your 30s your best decade yet.